White Rabbit
by Kefka is in my Harem
Summary: One day Squall suddenly channels Spike from Cowboy Bebop. Weirdness ensues.


**Authors note: - **First off I have to mention I HATE Rinoa with a burning passion of a million suns (No, make that trillion). That having been said I was really nice to her in this fic. Considering it's my first Fan-fic. Enjoy the weirdness...

**White Rabbit**

Squall woke up with a splitting headache; that was the first thing that caught his attention. The second was the naked young woman lying beside him. He sat up slowly, clutching his throbbing head and examined her. She had dark brown hair and slender graceful shoulders; he couldn't see her face since it was buried in the pillow. For the life of him he had no idea who she was, let alone what he'd done the night before, outside of her. He carefully climbed out of bed, trying his best not to wake the woman, who didn't stir once. After righting himself, he moved towards a full-sized mirror that hung on the wall.

He was somewhat surprised by his own appearance. His face was unfamiliar to him, it seemed too young. Squall gently traced an odd scar that bisected his eyes at an angle. He struggled to bring to mind how he'd gotten it, but no memories surfaced. All he could think was that it must have hurt and he hoped the one who'd given him it was hurt just as bad, if not worse. He shifted his gaze from his cold but handsome face to his body. It was obvious by looking at his muscular physique that he wasn't a weakling but the body was still fresh and young, untouched by age and hardship.

Once he was finished looking himself over he searched the room for clothes. Scattered about the floor was a collection of delicate woman's garments and more manly fare. Still unsure of whose room it was, he tested his theory by opening the closet door. He was greeted by the site of clothing similar to what lay about the floor. Squall made a satisfied sound and quickly got dressed. He pulled on a pair of pants made out of some kind of rough material that he couldn't place and a crisp white short sleeved shirt. Something seemed missing though. He glanced around the room and spotted a short coat that appeared to have been thrown over the only chair in the room with passion. A memory of holding the young woman in his arms and kissing her feverishly flashed through his mind. He shook his head and retrieved the coat. Now fully dressed, he didn't bother to comb out his shoulder length brown hair, but left it in a comfortable unruly mess.

As he was moving to leave he spotted a belt neatly hanging from the wall. He stepped towards it was examined the odd item that was holstered on it. It appeared to be a cross between a gun and a sword. Puzzled by the sight, he picked it up. The grip of the gun felt familiar, but its weight and unwieldy shape was just plain awkward to him. He shrugged and put the belt on, including the unusual weapon. In his mind it was better than nothing, even if it didn't make much sense to him.

Squall stepped into the hallway and looked around. At the moment he had an intense desire to smoke and drink but a quick search of the coat's pockets came up empty. Not ready to give up he went in search for a pack of cigarettes and some booze. Young men and women passed him in the hall. Most seemed too intimidated by him to meet his eyes. This didn't bother him but made him even more curious about where he was and who he was. He realized that his name was Squall but that was the extent of his memories. Apparently he'd had a lot to drink the night before.

It took him a while to realize he was lost. He stopped walking and looked around him. Apparently the building had a circular floor plan so he'd end up back where he started eventually. With a shrug he kept walking, still intent on his mission. He wasn't alone for long.

"Squall!" A high pitched voice called out from behind him.

He turned to see a young woman dressed in a small and tight orange dress. Her hair was almost comical, hanging straight down, up until the very tips where it curved sharply up in a single dramatic curl. She came to a stop in front of him, struggling to catch her breath. He watched her patiently.

"You were supposed to be in class ten minutes ago!" she scolded him as she straitened back up.

"I was?" he asked in a puzzled tone.

"Yes!" She leaned in close, blinking at him. "Are you okay? You look a little sick."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little hung over." Squall remarked, rubbing his head.

"Hung over...?" She leaned back, startled. "Since when do you drink?"

"Do you know where I could pick up some cigarettes?" he asked, ignoring her question.

"Cigarettes!? Now you smoke, too!?" Her large green eyes became larger in her shock.

"Yeah, so... where can I get some?" he replied gruffly.

"Um... I think the store in the cafeteria carries them."

"Thanks," he said, pushing past her, then paused and turned back around. "What's your name again?" 

"Selphie and you know it!" She sounded offended.

Squall shrugged. "Which way to the cafeteria?"

Selphie gave him a look that suggested she thought him to be mad. "That way..." she said warily,  pointing down the hall beside them.

"Thanks." Squall said again walking down the hall.

Selphie quickly fell into step beside him. "You must have had a lot to drink last night if you can't find your way around, not to mention forgetting my name!"

"Must have."

"I hope Rinoa doesn't know about it!" she said, watching his face.

He didn't reply and kept walking. She fell silent as well, puzzling over his unusual behavior. A short time later they arrived at the nearly deserted cafeteria. Squall headed straight towards a small store just inside the main entryway. The store was full of toiletries, uniforms, small snacks, drinks and cigarettes behind the counter. Squall smiled and stepped up to the clerk.

"Give me a box of cigarettes." He ordered the clerk.

The clerk nodded and grabbed a box, handing them over to him. Squall searched his coat for some money before remembering he didn't have any.

"What are you doing?" Selphie asked him with a frown.

"Looking for money... But I don't seem to have any." He looked down at her and smiled charmingly. "Spot me?"

She seemed caught off guard by his smile and his words. "Okay... But just this once."

Selphie handed over some money and before she could get her change back Squall sighed. She looked up at him curiously. "What now?"

"I don't have a lighter..." He shrugged at her helplessly.

She groaned and nodded to the clerk. "Get him a lighter too."

He nodded and slid over a disposable lighter and gave Selphie her change. She frowned at the pitiful amount she got back and looked at Squall. "You owe me."

Squall nodded as he lit up a cigarette. "Sure thing, I'll pay you when I get some money."

He walked out past her and commented casually, "So there a bar around here somewhere?"

"Bar!?" She cried out. "Why do you want to go to a bar!? It's only eight in the morning!"

"Hair of the dog that bit me." He replied offhandedly.

She got a puzzled expression. "Did Rinoa's dog bite you?"

"What? No!" He shook his head and sighed. "It's a saying, to cure a hangover you drink."

"But didn't drinking cause the hangover in the first place?"

"That's why you say 'hair of the dog that bit you'. Get it?" He glanced at her and sighed at her puzzled look.

"Not really." Selphie said hesitantly.

"So where can I find a bar?"

"I guess in Timber or Dollet." She replied with a shrug.

"Okay, which is closer?" He was starting to get a little impatient with her.

"Both are about as far away from each other." She shrugged again.

"All right, where is the exit to this place?" Squall asked.

Selphie pointed and he nodded, moving a bit quicker. "Wait, Squall! What about your class?!"

He turned around and smirked at her. "I'm too sick to go, cover for me."

She stopped walking and gawked at him. "I can't cover for you! You're the teacher!"

"Cover for me!" he yelled as he jogged out the exit.

Selphie groaned. "What am I going to do!?" She turned and ran towards the dorms. "Rinoa! Help! Squall's gone crazy!"

Rinoa stepped out of Squall's room upon hearing Selphie's cry; she pulled on her coat and called out to Selphie. "What are you talking about?"

Selphie came to a stop in front of her. "First he wanted cigarettes, now he wants to drink!  I couldn't stop him! He didn't show up for class!  I think he's lost it!"

"That made no sense..." Rinoa said staring at her with a small frown.

"He didn't show up for class this morning. He's always at least ten minutes early, but he wasn't there! So I went looking for him and I found him wondering the halls with a really funny expression. When I talked to him he had no idea who I was or where he was!" She paused to catch her breath and quickly launched back into her tirade. "Then he wanted to go buy some cigarettes but he didn't have any money so I had to buy them for him then he asked me where the nearest bar was and it's only eight in the morning! So right now he's heading off to either Timber or Dollet to drink!"

Rinoa took a moment to absorb all that she had said then shook her head. "That doesn't sound a thing like Squall!"

"I know!" Selphie whined.

"We need to find him!" Rinoa announced quickly walking down the hall, headed towards the exit.

"But we don't know if he's going to Timber or Dollet!" she said, running after Rinoa.

"Well, one is to the north and one is to the south, so someone must have seen which direction he was headed!" Rinoa replied intelligently.

Selphie jogged along beside her. "Good point."

The pair soon left the garden behind and exited the lobby; just outside they ran into Irvine. He was scratching his head and frowning deeply. Rinoa ran up to his side and studied his face. "What's wrong, Irvine?" she asked, worried.

"Well, I just ran into Squall and he said the strangest thing to me..." His frown deepened.

"What was that?" Selphie chirped.

"He told me 'You should pick a gender, either be a man and cut your hair or wear a dress and call yourself a woman. Either way you should stop being a she-male.'." Irvine shook his head starting to look angry.

Rinoa gasped. "I can't believe he said that!"

"Well he did, and I'm thinking of making him eat his words." Irvine shouldered his gun and headed off in a southern direction.

"He's headed to Timber?" Rinoa asked.

"Yep."

She nodded to Selphie and they followed him down the road. They arrived in town a short time later, a little tired but eager to hunt down their friend. It was an easy task for them to locate him, considering there was only one bar in Timber. The threesome walked up to the building and looked it over.

"Are you sure he's here Selphie?" Rinoa asked hesitantly, regarding the crooked sign hanging over the door.

"He said he wanted to go to a bar so I guess this is where he is." She didn't sound very sure about what she was saying.

"Only one way to find out." Irvine proclaimed all but kicking the door in. The girls quickly scrambled after him as he stormed in. They both nearly ran into him as he came to a sudden stop.

A small crowd had gathered near the bar in a semicircle. In the middle of the circle was Squall. Facing off with him was their old friend Seifer. His face was twisted up in an exaggeration of his customary scowl. He'd thrown his coat aside and was standing in a tense fighting stance. Squall looked more loose and relaxed as he smirked softly at his opponent.

"I don't know what's gotten into your head Squall but I'm about to knock it out!" Seifer snapped as he lunged in swinging fast and hard with his right fist.

Squall made no attempt to dodge it and in fact looked intoxicated already. His head snapped to the side with the impact but he quickly straitened back up, smiling even more.

"So... a fight now is it?" Squall asked in a voice deeper than customary.

"No shit!" Seifer yelled throwing a slower left hook.

"Alright then." Squall casually commented as he ducked under the swing and punched Seifer in the armpit with his right hand. Before he could even react to the first hit Squall was slipping backwards. Then in one smooth fluid motion performed a perfect round house kick that slammed into Seifer's unprotected face. With that the fight was over. Squall stepped back and watched his friend crumple to the ground in an unconscious heap.

"That's all?" He grunted then shrugged. "All bark and no bite." Squall sat back down on his stool at the bar. "'Nother drink tender."

Rinoa pushed through the crowd and fell to her knees beside Seifers limp form. "Oh my God Seifer! Are you alright!?"

Selphie and Irvine joined her by his side, both their faces displaying almost the same shocked expression. As one they turned to Squall. Rinoa stood up and rushed to his side.

"What is wrong with you!? Why are you smoke? Why are you drinking!? Why did you beat up Seifer!?" She yelled in a rapid barrage that seemed to have no effect on Squall.

He lazily turned his head towards her and leaned to the side taking a drag of the cigarette he had lit during her tirade. "I smoke because I like it, I drink because I like it and I beat him up because he hit me first."

She seemed even more infuriated by his blasé attitude. "I can't believe you! What's going on!? You've never missed a class before and you're acting like a fool!"

He raised an eyebrow. "What? The sex wasn't good enough?"

Her face turned bright red and she slapped him hard across the face. "I'm going back to the garden and I don't want to see you till your back to normal!"

With that as her last words she turned about and stormed out. At a loss of what to do Irvine picked up Seifer and slung him over his shoulder. He shrugged to Selphie and followed Rinoa out. Selphie looked to Squall who seemed to have forgotten they were even there before dashing after her friends....

**On a ship... well... damned far away...**

Ed perched on the back of the couch staring down intently at Spike who'd been out for even longer than normal. Ein joined her in staring by sitting on his chest and breathing in his face. This normally would have woken him up long ago but to their puzzlement he remained steadfastly out of it. He would occasionally twitch and moan in his sleep but would otherwise give little sign of life. Ed leaned even closer her face profoundly serious as she got closer. Eventually Faye walked in and stopped short at the sight they presented. 

"What the hell are you three doing?" She asked looking from one to the other puzzled.

"Spike no wake up." Ed explained. Ein barked in concurrence.

"He's just sleeping." Faye said with a shrug.

"Deeeeeeeep sleep!" Ed squealed falling off the back of the couch onto Spike's belly, right behind Ein who didn't react to her behavior.

Spike grunted and opened up his eyes. He slowly looked from the pair sitting atop him to Faye on the other side of the room. "I just had the strangest dream."

"Do tell." Faye said in a droll tone walking around the back of the couch so that she could drape her upper body across it.

"I dreamt I was a moron." He rubbed his head with a deeply confused look.

"That's nice. How is that any different than reality?" Faye said rolling her eyes. "Why don't you be useful dream us up a bounty head?"

"And there was this annoying woman in my dream too." He looked sideways at his companion draped across the couch.

"Whatever." She said with a shrug standing back up.

Ed bounced up and down on his belly making Spike cringe. "Where there bunnies!?" She asked gleefully.

"Yes..." Spike replied dryly. "Lots of fluffy white bunnies." He pushed her and Ein off of him and rolled over. "Now shut up and let me get some real sleep with normal dreams."

Ed popped back to her feet like an over eager jack-in-the-box and scooped up Ein. "White rabbits! White rabbits!" She chanted dancing around the room with Ein who could only whine and hope she soon lost interest in him.

"Hey!" Jet yelled walking out of the kitchen stirring some concoction that would serve as their dinner for the night. "What's all the commotion in here about?"

"Spike person was dreaming about white rabbits!" Ed yelled running past him giggling.

"Oh... That's all?" Jet said disappointed moving back into the kitchen.

Spike curled into an even tighter ball wrapping a pillow around his head and attempted to dream more normal dreams.

**The End?**


End file.
